Leeds Banter Archive May 22 2017

 

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22 May 2017 23:23:53
Why do women have legs? Have you ever seen the trails snails leave behind 😂😉

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22 May 2017 16:55:00
Ok then, let's see if this one will get past the eds sense checkers. I've just bought Mrs Lucas one of those high tech interactive devices that gets the creases out of clothing. I think it's witchcraft but £200 for an iRon from my mate Dave, seems a bit steep, he said it used 22nd century technology from the rock samples brought back from Mars.

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22 May 2017 17:46:56
Mrs Mick has always said to me that size really doesn't matter. She would say that the fat b**ch. MM

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22 May 2017 17:47:28
Oh and here's another one - We are going to sign Troy Deeney! MM

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22 May 2017 15:33:44
Battymatty this one might cheer you up even more ! A Winchester woman driving along at speed passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk and asked, 'What's your hurry? ' She replied, 'I'm late for work. ' 'Oh yeah, ' said the cop, 'what do you do? ' 'I'm a Rectum Stretcher, ' she responded. The cop stammered, 'A what? . 'A Rectum Stretcher! ' 'And just what does a rectum stretcher do? ' 'Well, ' she said, 'I start by inserting one finger in the rectum, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet' 'And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot arsehole? ' he asked 'You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge.

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22 May 2017 09:38:47
Here's, one to lighten your mood Battymatty Doctor Jones likes to stop at a bar after work and enjoy an almond daiquiri. One day, Dick the bartender runs out of almonds and uses hickory nuts instead. The doctor takes a sip and says, "Is this an almond daiquiri, Dick? " And Dick says, "It's a hickory daiquiri, Doc. "

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22 May 2017 11:19:58
Quick, stop that tumbleweed

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22 May 2017 12:48:17
I took my 'supposedly' new iPad back to the shop yesterday. I knew it had been used because someone had taken a bite out of the apple on the back! 😌

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22 May 2017 14:27:15
Danum . You just brought a whole new meaning to ' scraping the barrel '

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22 May 2017 02:41:54
Leeds to sign hazard and Costa. And in last minute I hear Kante. Why. ? Cus they can get a train from London. Can pick stockdale up on the way. 😂😂⚽️⚽️👍

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22 May 2017 01:53:36
Can I just ask guys to post at this time off season. A bit off humour and fun. Some posts are so Negative and depressing it's make me tear my ever receading hair out. c'mon lads. Fun fun fun. MM. GEORGE AND LUCAS. Please HELP. 😂😂😂😂⚽️⚽️⚽️

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{Ed007's Note - The Leeds site isn't that bad, you should check out Mogadon Forest! And it's only going to get worse with Future England Manager Mark Warburton in charge.}

22 May 2017 02:10:37
I know Ed. But the subject off the takeover and how shite we are really. It's only the end off the season. I can't do this all summer lol. But your right. There are definitely clubs in a lot worse state. I would certainly take a few off forests players like. Assombslonga and the other young forward. Bereton I think it is. Would take both gladly. As for warburton. go back to making sweets or investment banking. Can't remember what he done before ruining rangers up north. Lol. 😂👍⚽️

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{Ed007's Note - Rangers were ruined before Warburton got involved, to be fair to the baldy wee nyaff he never stood a chance.}

22 May 2017 02:31:21
You must be a Night owl like myself Ed. Oops. Shudnt mention the owls . only that they won't be in the prem like us next year. 🦉😂😂⚽️

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{Ed001's Note - I am beginning to get the impression that Leeds fans enjoyed Wednesday's failure to make it up. Call it a hunch, but I am getting that impression. I am very perceptive though, so it might not be that noticeable to most.....}

22 May 2017 02:27:36
True, true. Can't argue with that Ed. But still a shite Makeshift manager. Your obviously a closet hoops fan ? ⚽️⚽️

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{Ed007's Note - There's nothing closet about it lol