Leeds banter 3


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15 Nov 2018 07:31:05
Thursday joke . Paddy walks into the Halifax bank and hands over a bag of cannabis and then says I would like to open a joint account 😀ALAW.

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14 Nov 2018 21:28:52
Any new quality jokes CORK to keep us entertained during the International Break?

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15 Nov 2018 09:05:37
My favourite joke my son told me 18yrs ago when he was 10.

A man walks into a zoo and the only animal in the place was a dog.

It was a shitzu

Ba boom tish.

15 Nov 2018 11:21:07
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw a strap of your bra.
Teacher: GET OUT! No class for you for a week.
Another boy laughs.
Teacher: Why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw both straps.
Teacher: GET OUT! No class for you for a month.
She bends down to pick up a chalk and little Johnny starts walking out.
Teacher: Johnny why are you going out?
Johnny: With what i just saw i think my school days are over!

15 Nov 2018 11:25:23
I came out of the chip shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas and a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sitting there said "Ive not eaten for two days. " I told him, "I wish i had your will power"!

15 Nov 2018 11:25:56
My son told me one at about the same time.
What does a mathematician do when constipated?
Works it out with a pencil.

15 Nov 2018 11:34:59
I had the pub quiz in the bag the other night until the very last question. which i got wrong. The question was, "Where do woman have the curliest hair? "Apparently the correct answer was Fiji.

15 Nov 2018 11:53:38
With Harry Redknapp in the jungle, I'm a Celeb will be relegated to ITV2 by Christmas.

15 Nov 2018 11:58:14
I bumped into a cross eyed woman today and she shouted "You need to look where you're going! ". I said "Feck off, you need to go where you're looking! "

15 Nov 2018 12:15:16
Excellent stuff lads! Thank you, day brightened up no end!

15 Nov 2018 12:22:30
An old bloke hires a hitman to kill his wife of 40 years.
The hitman says "It'll be a quick kill, I'll shoot her just below the left tit".
The husband says "I want her dead, not fecking kneekapped! "

15 Nov 2018 12:46:39
I went to the doctors today and he said I was paranoid.

. Well he didn't actually say it, but I knew what the pratt was thinking.

15 Nov 2018 19:14:20
The one that's been deleted CORK was shall we say "A Corker"!

15 Nov 2018 19:58:53
Cheers mate I thought it was quite funny as well. A strict catholic Ed perhaps?!

14 Nov 2018 11:23:07
Fulham news interesting! The manager who takes you up to the premiership not always the right one to keep you up. Perhaps some of these clubs should make ruthless decisions after promotion rather than give them the summer and the sack soon after! I'm assuming the previous boss had some input to 100 million summer spending. I wonder what Ranieri makes of these players and what promises he has for Jan. Not sure Ranieri is the safe pair of hands you want to deliver survival?

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14 Nov 2018 12:41:30
You got to give the manager that gets u promoted a chance. It would be silly and demoralising to the players to just sack him.
And whose to say new manager will not be worse.

14 Nov 2018 16:50:14
Watford binned their manager following promotion, and sack them on a regular basis, doesn't seem to do them any harm.

13 Nov 2018 17:05:26
Dave Stewart RIP.

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13 Nov 2018 17:36:18
Internet death hoax george.

{Ed025's Note - there are some sicko,s out there martyn..

13 Nov 2018 19:45:35
Too many ed025.

{Ed025's Note - dead right mate..

13 Nov 2018 19:54:04
Why is it on the official Leeds site?

{Ed025's Note - just a bit of news del to alleviate the boredom that coincides with the boredom of international friendlies mate..

13 Nov 2018 20:56:22
Apologies my mistake. I was reading earlier about the fake death of eurithmics front man Dave Stewart. It had been put on internet he had died when he was actually on holiday and fit and well. Didn't even realise we ever had a goalkeeper called Dave Stewart.

{Ed025's Note - neither did i martyn..

13 Nov 2018 21:19:44
He played in the European Cup Final 1975, a good keeper, but had to compete with Sprake and Harvey. We really were blessed for keepers then. RIP.

14 Nov 2018 22:15:26
David Harvey a top top keeper and a greater bloke.

13 Nov 2018 16:18:34
On a positive note, Harry Kewell has been sacked.

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13 Nov 2018 17:00:27
Made me smile :)

13 Nov 2018 17:05:01

13 Nov 2018 17:51:27
That chairman won’t be happy till he’s picking the team

I could have warned Harry

But wouldn’t 😂😂😂.

13 Nov 2018 19:47:06

14 Nov 2018 22:18:40
I dunno why but I felt bad for the man. Maybe it’s because I don’t hold grudges. Life is too short lads.

13 Nov 2018 14:44:27
Was wondering if Charlie Austin would get a 1-match ban for his little ref rant but then thought better of it, he's not Leeds is he? (altho I wish he was)

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13 Nov 2018 18:12:30
We backed the wrong horse when we signed Billy Painter instead of Austin.

13 Nov 2018 23:01:27
Good old barn-door Billy :)

14 Nov 2018 08:23:22
Man he was bad. Did he score for us? Was it like 1 goal?

14 Nov 2018 19:26:34
Only one I can remember was Preston away.

13 Nov 2018 09:56:21
3 defeats this year to date, one in each of our three strips! let's not release enough strip!

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13 Nov 2018 11:52:09
Statto alert ;)

13 Nov 2018 12:32:03
Spaniard Our recent performances could see us stripped of the title. However, strange as it may seem I now trust Orta to make the additions needed in January for a promotion charge.

13 Nov 2018 12:50:50
Georgie, Can you be stripped of something you haven’t got!

I do think the desire to make additions will be there but finding the right people at the right price that suit Bielsa might not be that easy.

If I could only have 1 and funds are limited, I would splash the cash on the best goal scorer available. We have the possession, we create the opportunities, but don’t put them away enough.

If I can have 2, a fast winger who can beat people, cross the ball accurately whilst staying onside.

If I can have 3, a tall, well built, agile, centre back.

With talent and skill in those three positions, the rest are good enough for me for this season.

Buy my first choice and we will def be in the playoffs. Buy two and we make the top two and buy three and we make it as champions. Easy!

All we need now guys are some names!

I’ve sent my letter off to Santa but don’t feel happy relying on someone dressed in red!

13 Nov 2018 12:59:57
1 and 3 for me Spanish.
Izzy on his way for more assists.
And if we improve our strike ration we should score about 6 a game with the amount of chances we make.

13 Nov 2018 13:44:51
We still have a lump of the 20 million promised at the start of the season.

13 Nov 2018 16:35:35
I think 20 million would be a good budget for three quality players, 10 million striker, 5 million each on the winger and defender!

13 Nov 2018 18:18:03
I agree Wex, with the comings and goings for this season, a big chunk of that £20 million promised by Kinnear, should still be available.

14 Nov 2018 16:54:26
Realistically if we end up signing anyone they should be PL class, no good getting a "tried and tested" Championship player if he won't get a game next season.

14 Nov 2018 19:28:41
Correct AL, quality not quantity required.

12 Nov 2018 21:07:00
Define Crisis? Ayling, Berardi, now Pontus (maybe).
Dallas not everyones cup of tea, especially out of position at right back. Shaughnessy a reliable back up but barebones comes to mind. Not the best of times for Foyth to start shining for Spurs dammit.

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12 Nov 2018 17:25:22
Nearly always agree with all the sensible comments on here. We are not robust enough for the big physical teams in this league. We also need to set up more defensively away from home against the top sides. Still think we are 3 or 4 starters short and another 3 or 4 short in the squad . How many of the current squad would be good enough for a midtable prem side starting 11?

{Ed025's Note - very few..

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12 Nov 2018 17:51:02
none apart from saiz, i know he has been off form but is a class act, in the prem surrounded by better players he would be allowed more space and be more effective. If i was part of a lot of prem teams i'd look at him, maybe pontus as well, aling on form? outside of that i would honestly say how many would be in a top championship team?

douglas, mayeb kiltch or roofe and pablo, outside of that i think we have average players who are playing well with good amanger rather than good players. like my wife i think we are punching.

{Ed025's Note - dont let her hear that BW.. :)

12 Nov 2018 17:55:57
That will be 0 Then
Janson maybe and maybe Douglas depends who the mid table team is.

13 Nov 2018 11:01:04
None at the moment, but you can say that about nearly every other championship player. Guess when we get promoted then they will be Premier players. More about the system than the players. How many times have clubs paid big money for a top striker then he's sat on bench firing blanks. Happy with way things are progressing and be happier still if we show intent by signing a couple more in Jan. At end of last season no one thought we would get promoted this one but now we all expect to be in play offs at least. We look more like a team than we have done for years, Young talent coming through. Hope Bielsa can make the right decisions and not fall into the trap of previous managers by persevering with underperformers. Saiz shows he can so signs are good.

13 Nov 2018 11:36:37
Good post mate.
It’s hard to be positive after a defeat.
It’s hard for me to be positive unless we win every game 8-0, but that’s because I’m a miserable git.
But we are improving. We do play as a team. We work hard. We are playing a new system and getting used to it. And we have youngsters for the future. Dips in form should be spotted and steps taken. Bielsa should be told that we are going to buy players in January by the owners so he better choose who he wants.

13 Nov 2018 11:56:13
Wow, 2 sensible posts! ! what's going on? sack the manager and buy a new team is what I say :)

13 Nov 2018 16:21:21
Totally AL!

13 Nov 2018 23:04:44
Berm, you asked a question and then named 7 (seven) so you think we'll only need 4 in when we go up?

14 Nov 2018 06:08:36
I have just read the Biesla has said he doesn't think he needs to add to the squad in January

I am bloody glad he said that. Otherwise I can imagine chairmen at clubs with decent players wringing their sweaty hands and upping the transfer price by a couple of million. After all, Leeds are desperate and they know we still have a big transfer kitty from the summer

No. Better to negotiate from a position of power rather than beg for a player and pay the earth.

12 Nov 2018 16:34:45
I think some of you posters who are writing us off unless the cheque book comes out seem to have a strangely benevolent attitude to Bielsa. He took the job after studying all last years games, he had a chance to comment and shape the squad during the summer. He has gone out of his way to make it clear that he doesn't think we need big changes in Jan.

It's easy for you to blame the players for not being good enough, the Chairman for not spending enough money and Orta for not buying the right players. But sooner or later you have to turn your guns in Bielsa. He has not got the record of someone who will sit idly by when he doesn't get what he wants. Although he comes with the reputation of a football genius, he hasn't won anything in club football and he also comes with a reputation as stubborn and resistant to change.

For the record, I'm happy with him and what he and the club are doing . For me it's a 2/3 year plan and not just about this year . When we go up, I'd like us to be able to stay up for a few years and the squad needs to be right for that to happen. Spending money doesn't guarantee success overnight, look at Fulham, over 100 million spent this summer alone and counterbalance that with Leicester's achievement.

Build in the right direction, make this year better than last year, create a style of football that people love and get the right players that add to the team. As I've said before, I'm loving it!

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12 Nov 2018 17:53:06
And the dog botherers too spanish.

12 Nov 2018 17:54:34
i agree and have been slated for questioning MB, he is a good manager but he is wrong about being able to go up with a small sqaud he underesitmated the challenge of this league and injires cost us. He didn't account for losing two right backs and now puts dallas above coyle and pearce. if he thinks dallas is good enough he didn't watch leeds enough over past few years or is an idiot.

I do think we are going right way and for me that is enoguh but at no point have i thought we will go up, suqad too small and spine too weak.

12 Nov 2018 20:18:02
I agree Spanish, slowly slowly catchee monkey. We MUST give the man time. I do not think our squad is too small (altho one or two Quality additions would not be frowned upon) I do however think that he has been struck with the Managers Disease - "favoritism". His test now is, how long will he persevere when a choice is, quite clearly, not working. How long will he keep trying to fit square pegs into round holes?

13 Nov 2018 16:25:03
If we don’t give a man like Bielsa the time to deliver, then we can just forget about going up. definitely need a bigger squad, with more strength in depth, but that doesn’t happen overnight. That said, I don’t think Radz will even consider chopping Bub, even if we go on a big losing streak.


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