Leeds Banter Archive September 10 2018

 

Use our rumours form to send us leeds transfer rumours.

10 Sep 2018 23:26:51
My cousin plays in a football team called the musketeers- they've had a good start to their season, won 3 drawn 1----all 4-1 and one 4 all.

Believable2 Unbelievable0

11 Sep 2018 09:50:08
Kray Thinking of numbers, only 105 days to go before a happy event for you! πŸ˜‰.

Agree0 Disagree0

11 Sep 2018 10:08:35
groan :)

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 22:09:23
GIW, Corky and Aussie bought a bottle of good whiskey and marked The bottle into three clear portions - The one on The top for GIW, The one in The middle for Aussie and The one on The bottom for Corky. They decided to go to bed and drink The whiskey The next day.
However, when they got up The next morning, GIW and Aussie were dismayed to find that The whiskey was all gone. So they woke Corky from his drunken slumbers and asked him to explain.
'I felt like a drink during The night, ' said Corky, 'so I got up and opened The bottle of whiskey, but I had to drink through your two portions to get to my own. '.

Believable1 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 22:32:36
That joke was like me. Old but funny. Saw it played out in a Laurel and Hardy episode many decades ago.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 19:08:02
English man, Irish man, scotch man and a Welsh man captured by the Iraqi army.
We're going to shoot you all but before we do you can have one last request.
They asked the Irish man what's your last request and he replied I'd like 1000 Irish men doing the river dance for me.
They then asked the scotch man and he said I want 1000 bagpipers playing the flower of Scotland for me.
They then asked the Welsh man and he replied I'd like 1000 Welsh choir boys and men singing land of my father's.

They then asked the English man what's your last request to which he replied

CAN YOU SHOOT ME FIRST!

Believable2 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 21:30:14
I’ll shoot you first for that joke.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 21:41:32
That was class LIG.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 19:01:24
I've got a new job selling photo copiers. it's a bit repetitive

Boom boom.

Believable2 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 21:30:36
And I’ll shoot you second for that one.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 21:42:36
You started this thing lucas.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 23:09:47
You must admit that it makes the international break a tad more bearable.

Agree0 Disagree0

11 Sep 2018 09:38:45
Be better if it wasn't just the 5 of us playing x.

Agree0 Disagree0

11 Sep 2018 13:39:29
im playing by reading and loving the jokes.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 16:27:40
I was watching the Great North Run and saw one runner dressed as a chicken and another runner dressed as an egg. I thought: 'This could be interesting.

Believable0 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 17:02:50
Which one came first!

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 18:27:42
The male of course.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 16:24:35
I've got a new job collecting all the jumpers left in the park at the weekends, but it's not easy. They keep moving the goalposts.

Believable1 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 14:36:14
Englishman: "That your dog? "
Welshman: "Yep. "
Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him? "
Welshman: "Dog don't talk But. "
Englishman: "Hey dog, how's it going? "
Dog: "Doin' all right. "
Welshman: (Look of shock! )
Englishman: "Is this Welshman your owner? " (Pointing at the Welshman)
Dog: "Yep. "
Englishman: "How's he treating you? "
Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the lake once a week to play. "
Welshman: (Look of total disbelief)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse? "
Welshman: "Horse don't talk but. "
Englishman: "Hey horse, how's it going? "
Horse: "Cool. "
Welshman: (Extreme look of shock! )
Englishman: "Is this your owner? " (Pointing to the welshman)
Horse: "Yep. "
Englishman: "How's he treating you? "
Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a lean-to to protect me from the weather. "
Welshman: (Look of total amazement)
Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep? "
Welshman: "That sheeps a liar bud! ".

Believable3 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 16:18:46
LMAO! πŸ‘.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 16:18:59
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 14:34:53
A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York, and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and - bingo! - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation? "
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States. "
He swallowed hard.
Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention? "
"Lecturer, " she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality. "
"Really", he smiled. "What myths are those? "
"Well, " she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well endowed, when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish. "
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable, and blushed. "I'm sorry, l do apologise" she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you. I don't even know your name! "
"Tonto, " the man replied. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy. ".

Believable2 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 16:17:09
Wallop! That's a belter Corky 🀣.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 17:04:34
Very good!

Agree0 Disagree0

11 Sep 2018 10:19:07
Excellent.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 14:24:14
Joke if the day time

A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the backseat.
The women just won't leave him alone.
His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast! "
His wife says, "Stay more to the left. "
After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car - you or your mother? ".

Believable0 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 12:14:10
JOKE OF THE YEAR?
A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, All of his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.

While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.

The boy smiled at the young woman and she started up a conversation with him.

As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on.
The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.

After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, 'Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming. '

He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely. Now nude, she purred at him, 'What would you say is my best feature? ' Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, 'It's got to be your ears. '

Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, 'My ears? Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural.

I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28 inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere.

How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears? '

Clearing his throat, he stammered . 'Outside, when you said you heard someone coming . that was me.

Believable2 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 13:54:42
outstanding!

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 16:15:12
Masterful young Corkie lad! πŸ˜„.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 17:06:27
You are on form mate!

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 11:45:34
How's this for luck.
Last kick of the last game of the whole season!
50-50 challenge with goalkeeeper.
13 yr old boy breaks his leg. Poor thing.

Believable0 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 12:24:10
Space (d) out. The final frontier. These are the continuing demented voyages of the starship Austerprise. His 5 year mission to explore strange new subjects to post, to seek out new topics of total irrelevance. to boldly go where no Down Under Leeds fan has ever gone before. πŸŽΆπŸš€.

Agree3 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 12:53:38
More like Rimmer from Red Dwarf downloading random facts while eating diced curried wombat and fried roo pouch. Was Billy the fish in goal Aus.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 13:01:02
Should have put MY 13 yr old boy.

Agree1 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 13:46:02
A couple of really good responses, but now we have clarity, sorry to hear that Aus. How bad a break is it?

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 19:48:33
Soz Aus. Hope its not too bad young ones heal quick.

Agree0 Disagree0

09 Sep 2018 22:39:55
Ok let's say we get promoted this year, who would be everyone's ideal and realistic signings and why?

Believable0 Unbelievable0

10 Sep 2018 07:25:34
Let's start this rumour again, how about Alan smith or Jermaine BeckfordπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I'm joking. In all seriousness if izzy brown or baker go back is like to sign Milner and deloh.

Agree2 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 11:31:41
Kane and Abel and Jesus.

Agree0 Disagree0

10 Sep 2018 12:18:06
Victor Moses and Eden Hazard.

Agree0 Disagree0