Leeds Banter Archive March 17 2020

 

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17 Mar 2020 22:12:54
All this self isolation malarkey but my daily routines haven't changed. Alf was right.

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18 Mar 2020 13:27:08
I knew it!

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17 Mar 2020 17:44:00
Tescos is putting up Baileys by 1p tomorrow to Β£20.
So tonight I'm going to party like it's Β£19.99.

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17 Mar 2020 18:20:48
Sainsbury’s have Jamieson at Β£16. Bargain.

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17 Mar 2020 19:04:00
Yes but, do they have any toilet rolls?

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17 Mar 2020 22:09:25
Leo When mine runs out I'm just going to print off all of Brighty's posts. Then when all the printer paper is gone, might as well go to Karen Brady house and take my dumps there.

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18 Mar 2020 09:18:29
Hope your printer paper has sharp edges, George.

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18 Mar 2020 12:32:58
Only as sharp as you Brighty so no worries.

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17 Mar 2020 15:11:14
Euro's cancelled.

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17 Mar 2020 16:08:24
Good. Should hopefully allow the season to reach its conclusion.
Now we wait on the PL, whose action will define what happens lower down.

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17 Mar 2020 19:05:37
Yes but, Plan A was to end here and go up with West Brom.

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17 Mar 2020 19:40:34
Brilliant news Alf, I knew Boris would get brexit done!

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17 Mar 2020 22:13:57
Alf Postponed not what you said.

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17 Mar 2020 14:40:10
A group of primary school infants go on a trip to Cheltenham races to learn about horses. When it's time to take the children to the toilet it is decided that the girls will go with one teacher and the boys with the other.
The teacher assigned to the boys is waitingoutside when one of the boys comes out to tell her that none of them can reach the urinal. Having no choice, she goes inside and helps the boys with their pants and begins hoisting the boys up one by one holding their
willies to direct the flow.
As she lifts one boy shecan't help but notice that he is unusually well endowed. Trying not to stare she says
"You must be in sixth class".
"No love" he replies,
"I'm riding Silver Shadow in the 2.15!'.

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17 Mar 2020 18:40:28
Corky Rare I say this to you but superb! πŸ˜‚.

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17 Mar 2020 22:51:04
Best joke to date Cork πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ»πŸ‘πŸ».

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17 Mar 2020 14:38:06
New scientific evidence has come to light that one pint of beer takes nine minutes off your life. According to my calculations, I died sometime in September 1845.

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17 Mar 2020 16:10:21
I’m well ahead of you cork. I carked it at about the time of the last supper!

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17 Mar 2020 10:32:47
Me and my wife were on the sofa last night, getting all hot and steamy.
She whispered in my ear "Shall we take this upstairs"?
I replied "Go on then, you grab this end and I'll get the other".

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17 Mar 2020 09:27:57
Aus having got his Saturday morning oats with his dog reminded me of something that amused me when at Keele Uni. One of my friends was called to Jury Service for a couple of weeks - and in the first case she sat for, the guy's defence was that he was just helping this sheep over the wall when his trousers fell down!?

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17 Mar 2020 10:32:25
It was very noticeable that my friend entered Jury Service as a fairly young, innocent 18-year-old and emerged 2 weeks later a changed woman. The most surprising thing though, is that she lived in Northamptonshire, which is nowhere near Wales.

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17 Mar 2020 12:28:46
Clueless.
That really made me laugh. Not the anicdote, but the fact that you went to university! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

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17 Mar 2020 15:12:06
That happened to me once. Those sheep are tricksy.

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17 Mar 2020 16:22:10
Danum - I guess no universities had yet been established when you were 18.

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17 Mar 2020 17:46:09
Clueless. I'd only just finished being shoved up people's chimneys at 18, due to being too big. Fortunately I managed to get a job following horses around with a big shovel! πŸ’©πŸ€£.

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17 Mar 2020 18:44:46
In my first year I went to watch Leeds at Stoke in the old Second Division, with four friends, one of whom was also a Leeds fan. We were stood in the home end, surrounded by blokes sporting skinheads or potter's haircuts (think 1980's puddin' basin, but less classy) and, bless her, she jumped up and cheered loudly when we scored. I'm sorry, but self-preservation kicked in so I grunted some abuse at her for cheering the wrong f'in team. That and our half hearted celebration of the two Stoke goals seemed to satisfy the locals sufficiently to stop the hostile stares. I had mixed emotions when the final whistle went, gutted that we'd lost, but also relieved, as I half suspected that had we won, some of those around us might have given us a bit of a kicking just in case we were Leeds, and to let off a bit of steam.

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17 Mar 2020 08:12:09
I was in class today when the teacher said we are going to learn about the letter N today, she looked at me and said Matthew tell the class something your NOT vey good at that begins with the letter N! So I said SPELLING miss.

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Review Of The Day 17th March 2020

17 Mar 2020 07:39:03
{Ed's Note - Ed001 has posted a new article entitled, Review Of The Day 17th March 2020

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