Leeds Banter Archive March 19 2020

19 Mar 2020 19:10:00
My wife and I have the cutest names for each other. She's my buttercup and I'm her, useless sack of shit.

19 Mar 2020 20:15:27
Lol Leodis. Think it’s the same for all of us!
But you snook that last word thro censorship slyly!

20 Mar 2020 10:35:14
Never thought of it Brighty but I have some that will hit the brick wall of PC censorship.

19 Mar 2020 16:43:15
So looks like great news that the season will be extended indefinitely so that game can be played and the season finished. No null and voiding being called for, at least something to look forward to. Hope all you guys and your loved ones come through this troubling time safely and healthy.

19 Mar 2020 19:30:52
Sally came home from school and said to her mum Billy showed me is willy in the play ground, her mum look in horror, sally said don’t worry mum it reminds me of a peanut, her mum said why was it a small one, sally said no it was salty.

19 Mar 2020 16:21:15
RIP Peter Whittingham.
Quality footballer, who I would have liked at Leeds for a time. Always caused us problems.
Freak accident, and only 35.

19 Mar 2020 17:15:33
So sad. RIP indeed. Great player and all round decent bloke. Pity for him that Colin W@*ker sidelined him at Baadiff in the last year there - deserved a better send off after serving them so well. Would have been a quality addition here.

19 Mar 2020 22:18:12
gutted his wife is pregnant with their second child, i was heartbroken when i read this

life is precious and short so try and go through it with loved one and laughing and smiling

MOT fellas and rip thoughts with his family and loved ones.

19 Mar 2020 09:18:54
I don't think my wife likes me very much, when I had a heart attack she wrote for an ambulance.

18 Mar 2020 22:48:39
Thorpe Arch has closed for now and players following individual fitness plans at home.

18 Mar 2020 22:23:40
A Scottish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger.
She asked if she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't have a bath, although if she wanted to, she could use a tin bath in front of the fire.
"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts, " she said.
The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.
After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed.
She was surprised to see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair.
She mentioned this to her husband when he came home.
He didn't believe her, so she said: "Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the back garden.
I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for yourself. "
So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife asked: "Do you shave? " "No, " replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do you have hair? "
"Oh, yes, " said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair department.
The girl finished her bath and went to bed.
Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you see it? " "Yes, " he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours. "
"Why ever are you worried about that? " she said. "You've seen it often enough before. "
"I know, " he said. "but the f*ckin darts team hadn't!

19 Mar 2020 09:12:23
It’s the way you tell ‘em!

18 Mar 2020 22:15:38
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me Life, between the legs of me wife! "

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of The night. "

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast? "
John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife. "

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John! " Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John 's drinking buddies on the street Corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, " John won the prize the other night at The pub with a toast about you, Mary. "

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep".